Am I A Monster?
by MissSadieKane
Summary: The marauders' friendship is put to the test when Moony attacks a student - a student that happens to be his best friend's brother. Will Sirius ever forgive Remus? And what will their parents think of the whole matter? R&R.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

_AN: This story has nothing to do with 'Not What You Think' or any of my other stories. I don't know much about the shrieking shack, but I think a bed is mentioned in the third book – this isn't there in this story – it was put in later. I have never written a werewolf scene before, so please bear with me. This chapter is mostly thoughts and feelings, but next chapter will have more speech in it. If you are reading this for the second time, this is not an update, it's a spelling correction._

_Summary: The marauders' friendship is put to the test when Moony attacks a student - a student that happens to be his best friend's brother. Will Sirius ever forgive Remus?_

**Chapter One**

Sirius hadn't really had a good day. His younger brother had just been sorted into Slytherin; a house that contained nothing but slimy gits such as Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy. He hadn't been happy that Regulus had chosen to please his Mother rather than be sorted into Gryffindor, and worse still had ending up arguing with Regulus about it. The first year had run off upset, leaving Sirius feeling incredibly guilty.

On top of that, there was a full moon that night, and one of his best friends was a werewolf. After finding out the previous year, Sirius, James and Peter had been trying to find a way to help him. James had insisted that it was possible for them all to become animagi – this, if it worked, would mean that they could spend the full moons together without anyone getting hurt. However after almost a year of research, nothing they had found so far had done anything helpful towards achieving their goal.

Sirius glanced one more time at the night sky outside the commonroom window, before packing up his things and retreating upstairs towards the dormitory where his other two friends were waiting.

That night, all three of them were woken by a loud howl and an ear-piercing scream.

…..

While Sirius had been getting ready for bed, on the other side of the castle Remus Lupin was preparing for yet another night in the shrieking shack. As Madame Pomfrey led him towards the secret passageway, he thought about his friends back at the castle.

He was lucky really to have actually been allowed to stay at the school – Dumbledore was the only headmaster in Hogwarts' long history to have accepted someone like him into the academy. However, not only had he been allowed an education, he had also been accepted into a close friendship with his three roommates. What he didn't understand, however, was how the three of them didn't seem to care about his condition. Of course, he was grateful that they hadn't screamed and demanded to move dormitories as soon as they'd found out, but he had found it very hard to understand why the three of them had not thought of him as a monster.

It bothered him slightly that Sirius, James and Peter had been talking secretly amongst themselves. When he had asked about it, they had said it wasn't anything bad, but that they couldn't tell him about it. At the time he had assumed it was a prank, but he really wasn't sure.

Madame Pomfrey tapped the knot on the whomping willow, causing its branches to still. The passage underneath was dark and narrow. If he hadn't been so worried about his transformation, he would probably been frightened at the prospect of entering it. However, since worse things could happen if he didn't go in, he followed the nurse without complaint. When they reached the shack, Madame Pomfrey made sure he was settled and then Remus was left on his own.

Oh, how he hated that shack! It had been purpose-built for him but it lacked any form of comfort whatsoever. There was no heating, no lights, and nowhere at all that was comfortable to sit. The walls were covered in deep scratches where he had tried to get out on multiple occasions the previous year. Stargazing was not an option, as the windows had all been bordered up. Instead, Remus sat in a corner with his knees pulled up to his chest, and waited for the full moon.

When it came it wasn't pleasant. At about half nine in the evening, a gap in the clouds appeared and the moon lit up the whole of Hogsmeade. Of course, Remus couldn't see this, but he knew it must have happened. He felt a searing pain in his chest and limbs as all the bones in his body tore apart, rearranged themselves, and lengthened. The anatomy of a wolf being quite different from that of a human meant that all his internal organs also had to change their size and relative proportions.

Fully transformed, Remus was no longer Remus. All trace of rational thought was gone, and he was now left in a small, bare room, which was by no means the natural habitat of a werewolf. The wolf hated it. It wanted to be in the forest! So without further ado, it began to scratch the walls, looking for an escape.

Unfortunately, the werewolf found a weak point where the wood blocking the windows ended. Using all the strength it could muster, the werewolf managed to break the wood. This resulted in a large hole, through which the werewolf slipped through. It landed on the grass outside the shrieking shack and headed towards the forbidden forest.

...

Earlier that evening, Sirius and Regulus Black had been arguing. Upset at his older brothers accusations (namely that he was a coward and would never do anything against his mother's wishes), the younger of the two had run off crying. Now, two hours later, Regulus was still a little upset and was curled, fully-dressed on his bed in the foetal position.

"Are you going to get changed, Regulus?" asked one of his dorm mates. Regulus ignored them. "What on earth's got into you?"

"Sirius," muttered Regulus.

"If I were you, I wouldn't care what that blood-traitor thinks," replied the other boy.

"Sirius isn't a blood traitor!" shouted Regulus indignantly. He stomped out of the dormitory and back into the commonroom, where he sat as far away from human contact as it was possible to get.

The problem was that Regulus had actually wanted to be sorted into Gryffindor, like his brother. However, his mother had said that if he was sorted into any house other than Slytherin, she would teach him a lesson and then disown the both of them. Regulus hated the idea of getting Sirius into trouble – Sirius received enough punishment from mother without_ his_ intervention too! He also couldn't bear the thought of being disowned. Where would he go? He didn't have any friends outside his mother's social circles, and who would want to be burdened with a blood traitor like him or Sirius anyway?

So when the sorting hat had been arguing with itself over whether to put him in Hufflepuff or Gryffindor (loyalty or nobility, it had argued), Regulus had insisted that it put him in Slytherin. And when he had seen the disappointed look on Sirius's face, he had mouthed 'talk to you later', and that was what he had done. However, when Regulus went to explain to his brother what he had done, Sirius hadn't let him do it. Instead he had called Regulus a coward.

After thinking it through for some time, Regulus decided the best thing to do was to prove to his brother that he_ wasn't_ a coward; that he _could_ disobey the rules. That was how Regulus deliberately set out on his mission to get detention…

He set out towards the forbidden forest. That would surely get him detention: the name of it even had the word 'forbidden' in it! He had also heard that Sirius had been there lots of times last year too.

It wasn't until he was about a hundred yards into the forest that he began to have doubts. The forest was surely forbidden for a reason. What if Bellatrix's stories of Acromantula and Giants were actually true? He jumped as he heard a hoot, but it was only an owl, so he went onwards.

Suddenly he heard a loud howl, unlike anything he had ever heard before. He stopped dead in his tracks and listened. Then he heard it again. This time it was closer. He turned around and there, just a few meters away was the unmistakeable form of a werewolf!

He stood stock still, his feet glued to the floor. When the werewolf's back was turned, he made a break for the edge of the forest. But he wasn't quiet enough. The werewolf heard him, and chased after him.

He ran and ran, but the werewolf was fast. He could almost feel its breathe on the back of his neck! He would never make it to the castle, so instead changed direction towards the small hut on the edge of the forest. He banged desperately on the door, but just as it was about to open, he felt its teeth bite down hard onto his shoulder, and felt its claws on his back.

He screamed, just as the door opened to reveal the figure of an enormous giant. Whether it was from fear, blood-loss or shock, no one will ever know, but right then – for Regulus at least – everything went black.

…..

_AN: I hope you enjoyed reading this. And to those of you who have read my other fiction, this is completely separate. I do write things that aren't to do with Regulus – I have a story on Olympian Gods, and one shots coming up about Mad-eye Moody and Arthur Weasley. In the meantime, please could you review this story:_

_What do you think will happen to Regulus? Will he survive?_

_Will Sirius still be friends with Remus after what has happened?_

_If not, who would James side with?_

_How will Remus react when he wakes up the next morning?_

_What do you think of the general plot and characterization so far?_

_Thanks for reading and please review…._


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter_

**Chapter Two**

Remus woke up the next morning feeling absolutely terrible. His head hurt, his body ached all over, and he had a feeling lingering over him that something terrible had happened the previous night. That in itself was odd, because Remus never remembered anything that happened when he was in werewolf form.

He blearily opened his eyes and looked around: the white walls told him he was in the hospital wing as usual. The sun shone through the window behind him illuminating his bed and the one beside him. That bed was empty but the one diagonally opposite him had the curtains drawn around it. Remus assumed it was occupied, and that the person didn't want anyone intruding on them. However it hadn't been like that the night before so someone must have taken ill in the night.

Suddenly, the hospital wing doors burst wide open and three figures ran towards him. The first two to reach the bed jumped onto the bed next to him, jolting his leg rather painfully. The third, who was slightly shorter and plumper than the other two, decided it would be a better idea to sit on the chair_ beside_ the bed, rather than to jump on top of his friend.

"Wake up, Remus!" shouted Sirius, rather too loudly for the hospital wing.

"I'm awake!" Remus protested. "And you're sitting on my leg."

"Sorry," said Sirius. He shifted so that he was sitting on the end of the bed instead of on his friend. Then a dismayed look spread across his face as he realised that Madame Pomfrey had emerged from behind the curtains and was walking towards them, looking quite angry.

"You three out now!" she said sternly. "Remus needs rest, and you're disturbing my other patient." At this, James and Sirius began to loudly protest, until Madame Pomfrey finally gave in. "Okay, you can stay for a while, but no shouting." She then went back to tending her other patient, leaving the four of them in silence.

"So, how are you?" asked Peter, feeling the need to say something.

"Awful. You know how it is," replied Remus, sitting up and rubbing his head. "Who do you think's in that bed over there?" he asked, pointing over at the bed with the curtains around it.

"No idea," said Peter. "I wish this didn't have to happen every month. Me, James and Sirius are going to become-"

"Peter!" James put his hand over his friend's mouth. Peter had almost blurted out that they were planning on becoming Animagi. "Not in front of Madame Pomfrey," he hissed into his friends ear. It was loud enough so that Sirius and Remus could also hear, but not loud enough that Madame Pomfrey would.

"What Peter means is that James thinks he's found a way to help," explained Sirius. He still didn't quite believe that it would work. How could it? They were only in their second year! Most people found the magic difficult to manage when they were of age, and didn't one also have to obtain some sort of permission from the Ministry first? It was highly illegal and could very well go horribly wrong.

"I _know_ I have. All we have to do is a little research," said James. "We weren't going to tell you until we were sure it would work though - just in case it didn't."

"We still don't know if it'll work," said Sirius.

"Stop being so pessimistic, Sirius," said Peter.

"Is this what you've been hiding from me?" asked Remus. He'd been beginning to worry why the other three had been holding secret meetings without him, throughout almost the whole of last year. In fact, ever since they'd discovered he had been a werewolf, the previous November, they had been a bit secretive. At first he'd thought they were plotting a prank on him, and that they didn't want to be friends anymore because he was a werewolf. He'd spent the remainder of his first term in a sulk, believing his friends thought of him as nothing but a monster. Eventually James had persuaded him that they didn't think of him like that at all, but still wouldn't tell him about the secret meetings in the library. The thought hadn't occurred to him for a moment, that what they were doing was to help him!

"Yeah. We're really sorry about all that. We'll tell you later, in the dormitory – where Poppy won't overhear us," said James. "Speaking of Poppy…"

Indeed, Madame Poppy Pomfrey was heading towards them for the second time. The expression on her face was entirely grave, and Remus wondered what on earth had suddenly happened to make her look that way.

"You three need to leave now. Lessons will be starting soon," she said, "and I need to talk to Remus about something private."

"But lessons won't be starting for over half an hour!" whined Sirius. "We've hardly been here for any time at all!"

"Let them stay. I'll probably tell them everything anyway," said Remus, looking back up at her with pleading eyes.

"Are you sure? It's to do with your, uh, problem."

"They know about my lycanthropy already," said Remus matter-of-fact-ly.

"Alright, they can stay. But I'm afraid they might not take it very well," said Madame Pomfrey.

"What could be worse than knowing I'm a werewolf?" asked Remus. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer. Yes, he was aware there were many things worse than being a werewolf: being murdered, or sent to Azkaban, or being eaten alive by a giant slug were to name but a few. But of course there were other worse things - worse things that were also to do with being a werewolf.

"Well," began Madame Pomfrey. She was obviously having a lot of difficulty getting the words off her tongue. And every second of silence that passed, Remus felt an increasing feeling of dread. "Last night, you broke out of the shrieking shack," she explained. "You ran into the forbidden forest, and happened upon a student-"

"Oh God, please no. Please don't say I killed someone!" wailed Remus.

"No, they're not dead, but you did manage to bite them," said Madame Pomfrey calmly. "They've lost a lot of blood too."

By now Remus was crying, rocking backwards and forwards and muttering "no, no, no!" under his breath. James was trying to hold him still and comfort him, to no avail.

"Remus, calm down. We know it wasn't you who did that. It wasn't your fault," said Sirius. Remus continued crying, and saying he was a monster over and over again. Sirius and James felt rather clueless with regards to how they were supposed to make their friend feel better.

"Rem, you're not a monster. Anyone with half a brain can see that you're not," said Peter.

"Yeah, you never hurt anyone. Not even slimy Slytherins!" said James. That was true. Whenever they taunted Snivellus, Remus would always remain quiet and restrained.

"But whoever I've bitten... They're gonna hate me!" cried Remus. "What if they make me go to Azkaban!"

"Remus, you're not going to go to Azkaban for something you have no control over," said James, putting an arm around his friend. "If anything, it's the schools fault for not providing enough security."

"But they're not going to see that, are they? They're just going to think I'm a monster! What have I done!"

It took about twenty minutes of positive comments before they felt they could leave Remus and head off to class.

"Wh-who was it?" asked Sirius, as they walked out of the hospital wing.

"I can't tell you that just yet," replied Madame Pomfrey, sincerely.

"Why?"

"I don't think it's appropriate right now," was the reply.

…..

That morning, the three of them had potions with Slytherins, and Transfiguration. Potions class was not at all fun, especially for Sirius. All of last year, James and he had been paired together, but this year they had decided to swap partners. With James and Peter now together, Sirius had promised Remus that they would be partnered when he was out of the hospital wing. However, despite all his protests, cheerful and unhelpful as ever, Professor Slughorn had partnered him with none other than Severus Snape.

The "no talking" rule prevented any fight that would have broken out between them. However, it didn't stop Snape from sneering at him every time he did something wrong. In all honesty, Sirius was too anxious about Remus to be bothered with putting the right ingredient in the cauldron at the correct time. He hadn't really brought it up earlier for fear of upsetting his friend further, but he knew that others probably wouldn't forgive his friend as readily as he, James and Peter had. It was unlikely their friend would be sent to Azkaban, but if enough people complained Remus could easily be expelled from the school. Sirius knew how unhappy that would make him - he would be completley cut off from wizarding society. At the end of the lesson, Sirius rushed off, eager to put as much distance between himself and Snape as was physically possible.

"Sirius, wait!" called James. He stopped for long enough for his two friends to catch up with him and then continued marching towards Transfiguration. The lesson wasn't nearly as bad as he had thought it would be. McGonagall started off with a lecture about how second year would be much harder and require a lot more effort than first year. Both he and James groaned at this. After that, they were given a quick lecture on transfiguration theory and were each given an item to transfigure into an animal.

Five minutes later, two rabbits were hopping across Sirius and James's desks, earning them five points each to Gryffindor. Peter had managed to tranfigure a furry cup with ears and a tail.

"See, Sirius? If we can transfigur objects into animals this easily, it shouldn't be too hard to transfigure our selves," whispered James. Sirius nodded but said nothing. If Remus were expelled, they wouldn't be able to help him anyway.

At the end of the lesson, very few people had managed the spell. Only James, Sirius and Lily had perfect rabbits on their desks, and Gryffindor had received fifteen points for their efforts. Professor McGonagall was pleasantly impressed at their efforts: in her previous class only one student had managed it. She dismissed the Gryffindors off to lunch, but called Sirius back to talk to him.

"We'll be in the Great Hall when you're done," called James, as he and Peter went off to lunch. Sirius was left standing with just McGonagall.

"What do you want Professor? I swear I haven't done anything, yet."

"You're not in trouble," said the Professor. She was giving him the same look that Madame Pomfrey had been giving Remus: the one that said that something dreadful had happened that the person didn't know how to talk about. "Something's happened that I need to talk to you about."

"What happened?" Sirius asked, rather afraid of the answer.

"It's about your brother," said the Professor. "Last night he ventured into the Forbidden Forest and was attacked."

Sirius gasped out loud. Inside he was praying that the incident with Remus was a coincidence, but he knew it wasn't. There had only been one bed occupied other than Remus's.

"Can I see him?" he asked. McGonagall nodded, and Sirius followed her in silence all the way to the hospital wing. He was really worried about what he might find when he got there. He hadn't heard anything coming from the bed with the curtains arounds it and he was sure that, had Regulus heard he was there, he would have at least said something. He hoped Regulus had been asleep and not just so injured that he couldn't say anything.

Luckily Remus was asleep when Sirius burst into the hospital wing – otherwise he would have wondered what his friend was doing. Sirius didn't know how to tell him what had happened. Merlin, he wasn't even sure what to make of it all himself. Earlier he'd told his friend that everything was fine, but now he wasn't so sure. Sirius threw an accusing look at Madame Pomfrey for not telling him earlier and headed straight for the bed with the curtains around it. What he saw shocked him:

There on the bed lay his little eleven-year-old brother's sleeping form. The boy was ghostly pale, and every visible part of him except for the face was covered in bandages. One arm lay outside the blanket, and Sirius could see blood already seeping through the white bandages. Across his brother's cheek were four deep scratches – probably from the werewolf's claws.

Sirius felt sick at the sight and incredibly guilty too. He'd been horrible to Regulus the previous night! He'd called him a coward. Regulus wasn't a coward: he might be childish and a Mamma's boy, but he wasn't a coward. Nor any of the other things Sirius had called him. Had Regulus been so upset at what had been said that he'd run into the forest? It seemed likely. Sirius knew the odd way his brother applied logic – it wasn't that dissimilar to the way his own thought processes worked. He could have stopped this.

He felt like a terrible brother. Regulus was younger than him and looked up to everything that he did. He, Sirius, was supposed to be the responsible one; he was the one that was supposed to make sure that nothing ever happened to Regulus. He'd certainly failled at that - probably from the start.

He took hold of Regulus's hand. It was cold and limp, but when he touched it, the fingers curled around his own. Sirius spent the rest of his lunch hour like that, before he had to rush off to Herbology, but Regulus didn't show any other signs of being alive.

…..

_AN: Thanks for reading. Next chapter is coming soon._

_Tell me what you think:_

_What do you like/dislike about this story in general?_

_How do you think Sirius will react towards Remus when he gets out of the hospital wing?_

_How long do you think it will take Sirius to tell James?_

_What do you think will happen when Regulus wakes up?_

_How do you think Regulus will react towards Remus?_

_Please tell me what you think in a review._


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

_AN: This is written in third person but is from James's perspective for most of it. I didn't want any of Sirius's thoughts getting out until the very end because they are a little bit depressing. He is also a bit self-absorbed at the moment so isn't a good character to write as. James is concerned for his friend who is acting wierdly._

**Chapter Three**

James Potter didn't know what to do. The previous day his best friend Sirius hadn't been at lunch, and at dinner, he had stormed off up to the dormitory when he'd tried to ask what McGonagall had wanted to him about. When he'd followed, he'd found Sirius curled up into a tiny ball on the bed:

"_What happened, Sirius?"_ he had asked. Sirius hadn't replied, even when James had sat down on the bed next to him. _"Is it your parents again?"_ The previous year, Sirius had received a lot of howlers and letters from his parents, and James had suspected that they hadn't treated him very kindly when he had returned home after a whole year of 'consorting with those filthy blood-traitors'. Perhaps his parents had hurt him during the holidays and it was nothing to do with what McGonagall had said after all.

To his surprise, Sirius had shaken his head in response. He had also whimpered slightly and curled further into a ball. After that, James had stayed silent. If Sirius wanted to tell him, he would, but further probing would probably upset him further.

Sirius had remained in the same position, even when Peter had come in. In fact it was now morning, and he still hadn't moved.

"Sirius," he said, gently shaking his friend, "it's time to wake up."

Sirius's eyes flicked open for a moment or two. "Don' wanna," he muttered.

"Come on, we have to get to Breakfast before lessons," said Peter.

"Five more minutes."

"No, now," said Peter, being firm for once. He grabbed hold of Sirius's arms and dragged him across the bed and onto the floor.

"Ouch! What was that for?" yelled Sirius.

"Good. You're up. Let's go!" said James. When Sirius protested, James explained that if they wanted to visit Remus before breakfast they would have to go. Sirius didn't want James or Peter to think that anything was amiss so didn't complain anymore. James was desperately trying to act as if nothing was wrong so that Sirius didn't feel uncomfortable after the previous night. In actual fact he was very worried about what had happened to Sirius.

The three of them hurried down to the Hospital wing to see their friend. James noticed that Sirius was looking increasingly more uncomfortable as they approached the ward: the latter had started shaking slightly and had gripped hold of James's arm. James asked Peter to go in ahead and took Sirius aside for a private word.

"Sirius, what's the matter? It isn't to do with what happened to Remus is it?" James asked. Sirius looked downwards at his feet.

"James, I told him I didn't mind. I can't go back on that now," he said.

"But you're worried about facing him aren't you?"

"No!" said Sirius. James gave him a look. "Alright maybe I am. Maybe I can't quite believe all this has happened and I don't want to go in there because then I'll know it's for real! And I can't stand looking at him and knowing things are never going to be the same again and-" panicked Sirius.

"Sirius stop! I spoke to Dumbledore yesterday when you went off to wherever the hell you went off too. No one's going to do anything to Remus: not the Ministry, not the parents of the boy that got hurt – no one," said James calmly. "Everything will be alright. Nothing is going to change for the four of us."

"But I thought the law said…" began Sirius.

"Nothing will happen unless a complaint is made. Dumbledore says that the parents of the person who got hurt aren't going to, so-"

"What? They're not going to do anything? I thought they'd have been asking for Remus to be put down or something by now!" said Sirius.

"You sound like you actually want them to hurt Remus? Do you know something that I don't?" asked James. He was getting seriously confused by Sirius's emotions. He'd thought that telling Sirius that nothing would happen would have cheered him up: instead it had made things worse. Sirius seemed very distressed that no one was taking any action against Remus.

"No that's not what I meant!" argued Sirius. "It's just I'd have thought they'd have at least cared a little. Of course I don't want anyone to hurt our Moony."

"Who? What on earth are you talking about, Sirius?"

"Nothing," said Sirius, looking down at his feet again. "I, um, let's just go and see Remus then."

James and Sirius walked in through the hospital wing doors. Peter was already occupying the seat next to the bed and was chatting away about the previous day's classes, in particular the one where Sirius had been forced to sit near Snivellus. Sirius went over first and grumpily sat on top of Peter, squishing the younger boy. James followed, doing the same as yesterday and jumping on the bed. Luckily Remus wasn't in so much pain as before and didn't complain. Sirius said nothing throughout the whole conversation and refused to even look at Remus.

"What's eating at you, Sirius?" asked Remus. "You've been strangely quiet." When Sirius didn't reply he asked James.

"I don't know. He won't tell us either," said James. There was a moments' silence.

"Remus, do you remember anything about the other night?" asked Sirius very quietly.

"No. You know I can never remember anything that happens on a full moon."

"Sirius, it wasn't Remus's fault, if that's what you're worried about," said Peter.

"I know!" shouted Sirius. "All of this is entirely my fault! If it hadn't been for me and my stupid temper none of this would have happened!"

James watched as Sirius stormed out of the room. Then he realised what had occurred and ran out after him. Peter followed close behind. Eventually they found Sirius sitting in the Great Hall next to Lily and Marlene, with his head on the table. Marlene had her hand on his shoulder and it looked like he was crying. Sirius almost never cried: he hadn't even cried when he had received ten howlers from both of his parents on Christmas day!

"How is it Sirius's fault?" Peter asked.

"It isn't. Sirius is just taking things badly," said James. "Next he'll be saying it's his fault that Remus got bitten in the first place, which it isn't."

The two of them quietly walked up to where their friend was seated. "Sirius?" asked Peter.

"Sirius, are you okay?" asked James.

"Does it look like he's okay, Potter?" said Lily. "Sirius just received this!" She handed James a piece of paper with the Black Family crest on it. It was a letter. James was about to open it when Sirius told him to stop and snatched it back.

"He won't let any of us read it. I think it's from his family - something bad," added Marlene.

…..

Sirius stormed out of the hospital wing before the tears came. He couldn't even look at Remus without thinking about what had happened to his brother and so he'd said nothing. A small part of him wanted to hit Remus, but he couldn't. Remus didn't deserve it: it wasn't Remus's fault he was a werewolf. It was his own fault for being such a pathetic excuse for an older brother. What had happened to Regulus was his own fault entirely.

He reached the Great Hall just as the owls flew in, and put his head in his hands, trying to supress the tears that had felt ready to spill out for ages. It was no use, as no sooner as he had done so, an owl landed on the table in front of him. It was a tawny and he recognised it immediately as one of his Father's.

Sighing heavily, he untied the letter from around its leg. He recognised the writing as his Father's.

_Dear Sirius,_

_There is no place for blood traitors and werewolves in pureblood society. From this day forward both you and Regulus will no longer be members of the House of Black. You have brought shame on your entire family through your actions._

_You will inherit nothing and your accounts will be cut off. You will not return home for the holidays. As your education was paid for in advance, you may remain at Hogwarts for the remainder of your school days. Your place as heir to the House of Black will be taken by Bellatrix._

_If you speak of the true reasons for your disownment to anyone, the consequences will be severe. Do not reply to this letter._

_From Orion and Walburga Black._

…_.._

_AN: I really wasn't sure how to write that letter. Is it okay? I wanted it to be abrupt and to the point. If it had been written by Sirius's mother alone there would probably be more to it, but it wasn't. The "and Walburga" part was written by their father. What did you think of James and Sirius's conversation? Basically, amongst other things, Sirius is upset that his parents don't appear to care about what has happened to his brother. Here are some things to think about or tell me in a review._

_Who will Sirius open up to first?_

_What will happen when Regulus finds out he was disowned anyway? _

_Where will they go in the holidays? Okay that's a little obvious – or is it?_

_I'm sorry if there's a mood change halfway through. I wrote it on two separate days, and lets just say that I was in a horrible mood (hence my latest story). Thanks for reading and please review._


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter._

_AN: Sorry about the point of view switches. They are in this order for a reason though. Thanks to Muse35 and Annie789 for accidently giving me ideas. Thanks also to Imperial Dragon because it's thanks to you that this chapter turned out the way it did. This chapter is dedicated to all my reviewers of all my stories. _

**Chapter Four**

Remus Lupin was finally out of hospital wing. He still felt a little tired as he dragged himself up the long flights of stairs the Gryffindor common room but at least he would get to talk freely with his friends without having Madame Pomfrey listening in all the time. He tried to ignore the usually pointless gossiping from the portraits, not wanting to hear how "a poor little first year had been attacked in the Forbidden Forest" and how "students should know not to disobey the rules on their first night". One portrait, which looked like they might be a distant relative or ancestor or Sirius, said he was glad the "little blood traitor" learnt his lesson. He glanced at the portrait and saw that the surname was indeed 'Black', making them almost certainly a relative of Sirius – as far as he knew there were no other wizarding families with that name. Remus was disgusted that anyone would ever think like that. He had a good idea of what had happened to the first year and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Apparently there were also rumours that a kid had recently been disowned just for being hurt. Remus thought that that was absurd - his own father had taken care of him and still loved him even after he had been bitten! What kind of people would disown their child anyway? They sounded worse than Sirius's parents!

He expected to walk in and find his three friends sitting on one of the sofas in front of the roaring fire. Instead what he found was that James and Peter had already gone upstairs leaving Sirius talking with none other than Lily Evans. That was odd in its self, because Sirius and Lily almost never talked without arguing. He remembered one occasion when Lily had hexed Sirius on sight with a jelly-legs curse before the boy had even opened his mouth. She would normally talk with Remus about homework and classes, but never with Sirius or James, deeming them to be immature and thoughtless. She'd said on one occasion that she found Sirius even more irritating than even James was. But Lily was one of the kindest people that Remus had ever met, and Sirius looked very upset and had red rings around his eyes as if he had previously been crying. Lily was probably comforting him.

Remus wondered why on earth Sirius had chosen to talk to Lily: usually he would talk to him or James first. Maybe it was something to do with him storming out of the hospital wing earlier that day. For some unfathomable reason Sirius was blaming himself for Remus escaping from the shrieking shack. Maybe he didn't want to talk to him or James about it because he was scared of what reaction he would get.

He walked over to where the two of them were talking. Sirius and Lily both had hold of a corner of what appeared to be a very crumpled letter, and Lily had her other arm behind Sirius. The paper itself looked as if it had previously been ripped to shreds and stuck back together again with spellotape, and the hand that Sirius was holding it with was shaking. The paired looked to be so engrossed in the conversation that they didn't even seem to notice that Remus was standing right in front of them.

"That's horrible! They shouldn't let werewolves attack people like that!" cried Lily in response to something Sirius had said. So they were talking about him them: that was why Sirius wasn't telling him about it all. He couldn't help but feel angry that his supposedly best friend was blabbing Marauders' secrets to anyone who would listen. And Lily? He'd thought she'd have been a little more understanding than that. But no, that couldn't be right. Why would Sirius be telling Lily even if he was upset? It didn't explain why he couldn't just tell James.

"The werewolf didn't mean to," said Sirius, so quietly that Remus could hardly hear him. Remus was confused: was Sirius talking about him or not? If Sirius was telling Lily what had happened wouldn't he have started with the fact that his friend was a werewolf? And if Sirius wasn't talking about that then what was he talking about? Remus didn't want to hear any more and so walked up the stairs to the boys' dormitory.

"Hi Remus," said James, who was currently sprawled on his back with his hands behind his head. He was most likely daydreaming about taking Lily on a date to Hogsmeade using the secret passage they had discovered the previous term. Peter lay flat on his stomach practicing 'depulso' with some toy Quidditch figurines that James had bought for his birthday the previous summer. He looked up and grinned at his friend before noticing how upset Remus looked.

"Hey, what happened?" he asked, patting the space on the bed next to him so that Remus would sit next to him. Remus did so and then told him everything that he had heard.

"Hang on, Sirius was talking to Lily? But Lily never talks to me! Why is she suddenly talking to him?" asked James indignantly, sitting up and crossing his arms in a rather stroppy manner.

"James that's not the point," said Peter. "The main thing is what Lily said about werewolves. If Sirius has told her anything about Remus being a werewolf then Merlin knows what she'll do."

"Lily's lovely though. She wouldn't have said something like that unless she had a reason," commented James.

"I know. That's the problem," said Remus sadly.

"I know! What if Sirius only said that someone got hurt by a werewolf? Then Lily would have said it in defence of the person who was bitten, like the way your Dad thinks Greyback should be locked up!" suggested James.

"I guess that would make sense. He did say it wasn't the werewolf's fault, so he obviously didn't tell her it was me. But why would Sirius be talking to her about it?" said Remus.

"I don't get that either. Why can't he talk to us about it?" asked Peter.

The three of them thought it over, but none of them could think of an explanation of why Sirius would talk to Lily, or why Lily would talk to_ him_.

…..

Earlier that day Sirius had asked James to let him borrow his invisibility cloak. It was such a normal occurrence that James hadn't even bothered to ask Sirius what he had needed it for. It didn't really matter as Sirius wasn't intending on doing any pranking, though he was doing something very unusual: he was going to the library.

Sirius usually hated the Library. It was full of books and snobby Ravenclaws, and whenever he went in there with James we was told off for talking too much. Of course, whenever this happened, he would always argue that they had been working on a group project or that they were discussing their homework. But it never worked: sooner or later the librarian would kick them out. However, this time Sirius was going to stay quiet and would be under the cloak; there was no way he would get chucked out.

On the way to the restricted section Sirius passed Lily, Mary, Alice and Marlene, who were all at a table together doing homework. He didn't want to talk with any of them. Lily had been nice to him at breakfast, but usually hated him; Marlene was alright but a bit too much of a book worm to be any fun; Mary was pretty but otherwise uninteresting, and Alice was always going on about her crush in the year above. The other reason was that talking to people defied the entire purpose of being invisible.

Despite being very much a rule breaker, Sirius and James had never been to the restricted section before so, when he entered, Sirius was shocked at the enormity of the place. If Remus or Lily had ever entered it they would have been gobsmacked too. It was huge: it was almost as big as all of the rest of the school put together, with shelves upon shelves of ancient hardback books stretching all the way to the high to the ceiling (which was so high up that it was hard to make out). Sirius wondered what the point was in having books put so high up. No one would be able to reach them without using broomsticks, which were forbidden inside the school, or extremely long ladders. Maybe the books were so dark that they couldn't risk students, even ones with invisibility cloaks or permission slips, reading them.

He wondered where to start. Then he noticed that at the end of each of the narrow isles, there were lists of what kind of books there were. He quickly found the transfiguration isle and walked down it, stopping when he saw the word 'animal' out of the corner of his eye.

The books itself, was entitled 'Objects to Animals' and was quite plainly about turning inanimate objects into living, breathing specimens. It was almost what he wanted, but not quite. Sirius was by no means an inanimate object – he was probably the liveliest person in the entire school (except for James perhaps). He ran his hand along the titles of books until he finally found what he was looking for: two books on animagi – "Six Simple Steps to Become an Animagi" and "Advanced Transfiguration: Human to Animal". He grabbed the two books be their spines and, hiding them under the cloak, walked back to the common room.

There was hardly anyone in there. The girls were still at the library and he didn't know where the others were, so he sat down by himself in one of the red armchairs with the cloak over him. It made a nice tent, enclosing him in his own bubble, and yet letting in enough light that he could still see to read. He put the books on his lap and opened the one that was on the top, which turned out to be the thicker of the two. He skipped the introduction, and the first chapter entitled 'History of Animagi Throughout the Twentieth Century' and turned straight to chapter two. This chapter was about the first stages to becoming an animal. The first paragraph went like this:

_Becoming an Animagi is one of the most advanced levels of transfiguration, and few wizards have the skill necessary to complete the preparation. It takes many years of training to be able to complete one's first transformation. Usually one should not attempt the transformation unless they are over the age of seventeen and have written permission from the Ministry of Magic. This is due to the fact that many wizards have failed in the past resulting in severe long-term consequences. _

If Sirius had doubted the possibility of James's plan before, which he had, he certainly did now. He tried to skip the part that listed various injuries that people had obtained from failed attempts, but one passage caught his attention. _In 1789, an eleven-year-old wizard by the name of Samuel MacMillan transformed using accidental magic in an attempt to get away from an angry Griffin. The transformation from boy to falcon was successful but left him unable to change back. When his family found out what had happened, they attempted many spells to help him. Samuel eventually changed back, but died in the process. _

There were other similar off-putting accounts. Sirius shut the book because it was just too depressing for words. It was obviously written to put off anyone who wanted to become an animagi – probably by someone who had had a bad experience or was just resentful that they couldn't do it themselves. However, Sirius was now determined to do it, no matter the cost to him. He had to – for Remus, and now, unfortunately, for Regulus too. He couldn't let his little brother go through anything like that alone without having tried everything first.

He picked up 'Six Simple Steps to Become an Animagi' and opened it up instead. The book had six chapters, one for each step, so he turned to 'Chapter One: The Potion'.

_When first attempting transfiguration, it is useful to know what you are transfiguring something into. In the case of animagi this will be an animal. The wizard has no choice of what animal they are to transform into. Though the animal is most likely to be the same as the witch or wizard's patronus, it isn't always, so most wizards recommend this potion to find out what animal one will turn into. The ingredients can be found at most apothecaries, and is relatively easy to brew. Brewing time is six weeks._

Sirius groaned in frustration; he didn't have six weeks. He had twenty six days! Why did everything have to take such a long time? However, at least it was better than 'years of training', and it didn't say you actually had to take the potion. It said they 'recommended' it. And couldn't he just do the patronus thingy? Actually, what on earth _was_ a Patronus? The rest of the chapter described the potion and it was true that it didn't look much more challenging than the first year potions. It looked simple enough that he and James would be able to do it. The second chapter described preparatory work involving transfiguring parts of one's self into animal parts. He read until he came across the words: _Transfiguration at this level can take years to master. These spells are the equivalent of N.E.W.T. level transfiguration and can go hideously wrong if attempted by those without sufficient knowledge of transfiguration theory, i.e. at least an E in transfiguration at O.W.L._

He knew then that it was pointless to even read any further. He and James might have been able to turn a brick into a rabbit, but there was no way they would be able to be Animagi any time soon. Both books clattered to the floor as Sirius gave up reading and decided to curl into the chair with the cloak around him like a blanket. He felt utterly useless. His best friend had lycanthropy, and now, because of his own stupid actions, his brother had it too. On top of that, there was nothing he could possibly do to help either of them. For the second time that day his eyes stung with tears. He knew it was shameful to cry: his father would have probably punished him if he had done it at home, for Black's never cried.

That was when Sirius remembered the letter from earlier. He wasn't part of the family anymore. If it had been just him, Sirius was sure that James would have let him stay over the summer, but it wasn't. No one would want a werewolf in their house, even kind and thoughtful Mrs Potter and her husband, and he couldn't leave his brother by himself. Peter's parents were a no go, and Remus's parents had enough trouble looking after one werewolf, let alone two. Living on his own wasn't an option: he wasn't old enough to buy a house and he wasn't going to risk expulsion to use a confundus charm on a muggle landlord. He couldn't live on the streets either. Once when he was six and Regulus had been five, the two of them had run away and tried living in a little wooden house in a muggle park. It had been alright during the day, but then it had become dark, and a gale and sleet storm had started. Despite Sirius giving Regulus both of his jumpers, the younger of the two had been shivering violently throughout the night.

After their Uncle Alphard had found them, returned them home and come up with a suitable lie to tell their parents as to why their youngest son was suffering from hypothermia, Sirius had promised Regulus that he would always look after him and would never let anything bad happen to him ever again. A fat lot of good that had done! He was probably the worst brother in the whole world now - he was a complete failure at being a brother. And now, to make things even worse, he was crying! Big brothers weren't supposed to cry. They were the ones that were supposed to be brave and strong, and comfort their younger siblings. He stayed like that for quite some time.

Sometime later, Sirius felt a hand touch his shoulder. It was small and light, so most likely belonged to a girl. He looked up to see Lily Evans looking right at him, with a look of concern in her green eyes, holding the two books that he had dropped on the floor. How did she know he was there? He was still under the invisibility cloak wasn't he?

He did nothing as the girl slowly pulled the invisibility cloak off and stared at him. Neither of them really knew what to say: Lily probably wanted to know why he was crying but felt it would be intrusive to ask, and Sirius was too embarrassed to come up with anything to say. Instead, Sirius simply reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter from his parents. He attempted to smooth it out, but it was still in a terrible condition. That morning, Sirius had torn it into hundreds of tiny pieces and thrown them into the soil belonging to the Mandrakes they were studying. Then realising that he hadn't shown it to Regulus who was still asleep, he had then had to wash it (luckily the ink was magic enough not to blur) and stick it back together again. He handed the crumpled letter to Lily, who read it.

"Is this what you've been upset about all day?" Lily asked. Sirius nodded. "You don't have to feel bad about crying. I think anyone would if they'd been disowned by their parents."

"It's not just that part though," sobbed Sirius. Lily moved so that she was sitting on the chair with Sirius. They were quite small, so easily fitted.

Lily read through the letter again. "I'm not sure what this is saying. Are you're a werewolf? I don't get why they would chuck you out all of a sudden."

"No, I'm not a werewolf," began Sirius, "but my little brother he… he went into the forbidden forest and-" He stopped talking as a lump built up in his throat and it hurt to continue. He realized his whole body had started shaking and that Lily had put her arm around him. Before he knew it, he was sobbing noisily into Lily's chest.

"Shhh, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want. I think I understand what happened, though. Is he alright?" asked Lily. She removed her hand from around Sirius, to flick her long red hair behind her, as Sirius was making it all wet, and then continued trying to comfort him.

Sirius's head was flooded with images of Regulus lying so still in the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey had explained to him that they wouldn't know how severe his brother's injuries would be until he woke up because a lot of the diagnostic potions needed the patient to be conscious. A lot of the healing potions also needed to be ingested, so couldn't be administered whilst the patient was unconscious. However, since Regulus had definitely been bitten, then, whatever happened, he would be a werewolf when he woke up. Sirius hated not knowing if his brother would be okay, and the fact that Regulus hadn't shown any signs of recovering at all, was even harder.

Sirius shook his head. "I don't know. He hasn't woken up in two days. Even Madame Pomfrey doesn't know whether he'll be alright," he said dejectedly. "When I went in to see him, he was all limp-looking and covered in bandages, and there were deep wounds all over his face."

"That's horrible! They shouldn't let werewolves attack people like that!" cried Lily, horrified at the whole idea.

"The werewolf didn't mean to," mumbled Sirius. He wiped his teary eyes on the edge of the invisibility cloak, and hoped James wouldn't notice when he gave it back later.

"What do you mean?" asked Lily, curious that Sirius was actually defending the werewolf.

"It probably didn't mean to attack. Most werewolves are actually nice and they can't control what happens on the full moon so they lock themselves up. They'd hate it if they found out they'd hurt someone," said Sirius, remembering how upset Remus had been when he'd first found out.

"Really? The only werewolves I've ever read about were horrible. I found an old article about one called Greyback who attacked a small child about seven years ago. It didn't mention any names, but it said that the werewolf attacked them on purpose." Sirius guessed that the attack Lily was talking about was actually when Remus was bitten. It might not have been though, as Sirius remembered that at that time there had been several attacks by that same werewolf, one after the other.

"Werewolves aren't all like that. Newspapers usually only report bad things that happen," said Sirius. Lily nodded. It was the same with muggle papers too.

"Do you," Lily started cautiously, "do you know who the werewolf was?" Sirius wanted to tell her so much, but he knew he couldn't. He, James and Peter had all promised Remus that they would never tell anyone about Remus's secret, unless under Veritiserum, in which case they would have no other option. Instead all he did was shake his head and Lily dropped it. It was then that Lily looked down and noticed she still carried the books in her spare hand. She looked at Sirius questioningly.

"Werewolves can't hurt animals," was all Sirius needed to say for Lily to understand.

…..

_AN: Sorry this took so long. It was an awful lot longer than I had thought it was going to be, and I found it hard writing all the bits of book, and awkward conversations. Did you think they were alright? I had inspiration from the Hogsmeade scene in the third Harry Potter movie, as well as all that is mentioned in my other AN. I hope you enjoyed this._

_Tell me what you think of:_

_-Sirius's decision to tell Lily_

_-How you think James will eventually find out_

_-Lily's reaction_

_-Whether I am getting better at putting more detail into my chapters_

_-Whether there is anything else you particularly like of dislike about my story_

_Please review._


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I reckon everyone wished they owned the amazing series of Harry Potter books. I'm one of those people, and if you haven't already guessed it, I don't own them. This is not for profit._

_AN: Sorry this took ages. I am back to lectures now so I actually have to do work. I've joined Conservation Volunteers Society, and have been going to the gym more now, so that takes up a lot of time too. This chapter is James Potter's point of view. I'm sorry, but in the books, Harry and Ron can take a long time to work things out, and in this chapter, James is also taking a lot of time to work things out in his head. _

**Chapter Five**

_Dear Sirius,_

_There is no place for blood traitors and werewolves in pureblood society. From this day forward both you and Regulus will no longer be members of the House of Black. You have brought shame on your entire family…_

James Potter stared in shock at the letter he'd just picked up off the floor and immediately felt bad for reading it. If he'd known what it was he wouldn't have even picked it up. He'd only ventured down into the commonroom because Sirius still had his invisibility cloak and hadn't shown up all evening. He was pretty sure he'd found the cloak, and Sirius too. Half an arm dangled from the side of an armchair directly above the letter with the fingers limp and slightly curled as if they had just dropped something. Another clue was Sirius's head, which was also floating and appeared to be asleep.

Just about every detail of the letter was horrible – the only good bit was that Sirius still got to stay at Hogwarts. He had known that Sirius's parents weren't nice but cutting their own son off like that was an entire new level of cruelty altogether. It was even worse because it looked like they'd decided to disown Regulus too. As much as James hated Slytherins, he wouldn't wish that on anyone.

He didn't understand what Sirius had done, other than get sorted into Gryffindor the previous year, to warrant being disowned. The letter said something about werewolves, so maybe they had somehow found out about him befriending Remus, and that his friend was a werewolf. Sirius would never have told his parents willingly, so they must have used alternative methods to get the information out of him. His own parents had told him that the Blacks were into Dark Arts, so they probably wouldn't hesitate to use them to get Sirius to talk. James shuddered at the thought of it.

At least he now knew why Sirius was upset. He couldn't imagine how distraught he would be if his own parents were like Sirius's. An image of him crying his eyes out, curled up in a corner into the smallest space possible came to mind, but he couldn't really even begin to imagine what it would be like. His own Mother was nothing like Mrs Black. She would sometimes shout at him if he did something wrong, but James knew that this was usually out of concern for his safety or wellbeing, rather than fear of him messing up her reputation.

He was about to wake his friend up when a thought suddenly occurred to him. Sirius had been upset before he had received the letter as well as after. The only thing that had changed was that Sirius had decided to distance himself from them after reading it. In fact, Sirius had been moody ever since the morning of the previous day, so his new attitude could have been down to one or a combination of several things:

a). Something bad had happened between Sirius and his parents during the holidays. This was likely because they would have been angry that he'd been sorted into Gryffindor. It might also have been the cause of the letter, which would have made Sirius even more upset.

b). Sirius was worried or upset because of what had happened with Remus. This was probably also the case since Sirius had been relatively fine at the feast and on the train. He'd even happily introduced James and Remus to his little brother before telling him to go and make friends with some first years. Sirius had definitely had a change of mood since they'd first visited Remus, and for some odd reason seemed to be blaming himself for what had happened.

c). Sirius was upset that his brother was in Slytherin. Sirius had had a row with Regulus after the feast and had taken a while to calm down afterwards. James knew that Sirius was close to his brother and probably regretted being angry at him. It probably didn't help that none of them had spotted Regulus at any of the meals in the Great Hall since the feast.

d). Whatever McGonagall had wanted to talk to Sirius about had been bothering him. As James had no idea what this had been about, he wasn't able to say for sure that this was the case. All he knew was that since the talk, Sirius had been a lot more withdrawn than he had previously.

All in all, James was worried about his friend. He couldn't really leave Sirius in the commonroom as he was, especially since anyone could walk in and steal the invisibility cloak, so James gently lifted it from over Sirius, and shook his friend. After the third shake, Sirius woke up, yawned and stretched before looking up at James with a rather bewildered expression on his face.

"James?" he murmured. He glanced upwards at James's face to clarify that it was in fact his best friend. Then his eyes gazed downwards at James's hands and his face fell.

James immediately felt more even guiltier than he already did. Sirius's face was a mixture of hurt, shock and utter bewilderment, and James didn't really know what to say or do to make it better.

"I guess you know, then," said Sirius flatly.

"I'm sorry," said James, and he really meant it. "I didn't mean to read it: it was on the floor." He hastily shoved the letter into Sirius's hands. The latter dropped it into his lap and tried to his best to ignore it.

"It doesn't matter," said Sirius sadly. James could tell that this wasn't true in the slightest. Anyone with half a brain would be able to tell that Sirius was upset: not just by his facial expression, but by the way his shoulders were shaking, the way his eyes were still all bloodshot from earlier and the way he wouldn't even look up properly meet his best friend's eye. "I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how. I thought you'd think I… I didn't know what you would think of me really."

"Oh Sirius, of course I wouldn't think anything bad of you. None of this is your fault. After all that stuff with Remus last year, how could you even think that?" said James.

"I don't know," Sirius said, looking down at his lap. "I don't know what to do. Tell me what I should do."

"Umm," was all that James could think of to say. He really couldn't imagine himself being in Sirius's situation: his own parents would never have done the same as Sirius's parents had, no matter how rude or unpleasant James could be. The worst punishment his mother had ever given him had been no Quidditch for an entire month, and James had whined for the entire time even then. "Uh, I'm sure my Mum would let you stay for the summer. She did offer this year, so I don't see why it would be a problem now," he finally said. To James it felt like a perfectly valid idea: Sirius would have somewhere to stay, and he would have someone to keep him from being bored over the holidays. Perfect, except for the odd expression that had come over his best friend's face.

"Won't your Mum be worried though, having a werewolf in the house?" asked Sirius, very quietly.

"What do you mean?"

James was confused, and his face showed it. He'd made the offer to Sirius, not Remus. Then he remembered what Remus had been saying about the portraits gossiping. They'd been talking about someone getting disowned for being hurt. Sirius was disowned, but he clearly wasn't hurt – at least not physically. And there was another thing that didn't make sense. The letter had said that Regulus had been disowned too. Regulus was only a first year, and he'd been sorted into Slytherin just like his parents had wanted him to, so why would his parents want to disown him.

He nearly hit himself in the face for being so stupid! The letter had said something about werewolves in the first sentence, and he knew now that that didn't mean Remus, particularly as Remus was neither a Black, nor pureblood. And he knew for a fact that Regulus was a first year, that a first year had been attacked in the forest, and that Sirius's younger brother had been missing from the Great Hall for two days.

Suddenly it all made sense and James knew exactly what Sirius was upset about, and why he hadn't told anyone yet. Unfortunately, he still had absolutely no idea whatsoever about how to solve the problem or how to comfort his Sirius. A small "Oh," was all he managed.

On the other hand, Sirius looked close to breaking point if he wasn't there already. "Face it James, no one is going to want us, and I'm not leaving my brother on his own."

"I still think Mum will let you both stay. She let Remus visit at Easter so it shouldn't be a problem." He knew deep down that his Mother would probably have had an entirely different opinion on the matter had she known the truth about Remus. The visit had only been for a week and had been about two weeks away from the full moon, so it hadn't even occurred to James to inform his Mother. However, now he thought about it, he realised that the summer holidays were longer than two months, and that there were other families in the neighbourhood too that might know. "Even if she doesn't let you stay, I'm promise you I'll think of something," he added.

Sirius didn't seem very reassured by this comment. James sighed, slightly frustrated but more worried that anything else. He wasn't going to lie to Sirius and tell him that everything would be okay – he'd already made that mistake once with Remus. The boy had yelled at him for it afterwards, which was very un-Remus-ish (to be fair, it had been just before the full moon). Sirius was usually a lot more temperamental than Remus, but that wasn't the point. It wouldn't be the right thing to do to give someone false hope and then find out later that you'd made it all up just to make them feel better. It begged the question of what to actually say to him, though. What _could_ James say that wouldn't make a bad situation worse?

He noticed that Sirius was now tearing away the edges of the parchment that the letter was written on. James couldn't tell whether it was purely out of chance that only the margins were getting damaged.

"James? How are we going to tell Remus?" asked Sirius. If it were possible, Sirius looked even more worried than he had before, and James felt bad. Now that he thought about it, it was evident that Sirius had been thinking about this for some time. It was probably part of the reason Sirius hadn't been able to talk to Remus in the hospital wing that morning, as well as the fact that he appeared to be blaming himself.

Hang on, why was Sirius blaming himself for everything? Surely Sirius hadn't done anything wrong? He'd been sulking the night it had happened because of that stupid fight he'd had over Regulus's sorting… He realised suddenly that that argument was probably the entire reason Sirius blamed himself in the first place. He decided not to mention it in case it made Sirius upset again.

"I don't know, but we have to tell him before he finds out himself. I think he'd rather hear it from us than by accident, or from one of the teachers. At some point Madame Pomfrey is going to have to say something," said James. "And even if she doesn't, Remus is going to start to wonder why they're in the hospital wing together every month."

"We could tell him that Regulus has an illness," suggested Sirius. James gave his friend an incredulous look.

"Sirius, Remus already knows he'd bitten someone, and the fact that he doesn't know if they're alright is killing him. We have to tell him!"

"How do you think _I_ feel? He's my brother, and I don't even know if he's going to live or not!" shouted Sirius.

James grimaced as he saw two faces peering into the commonroom. It looked as if they wouldn't have to tell Remus after all.

…..

_AN: Wow, that took a long time to type. And I kept getting distracted by conversations with people. What did you think?_

_Who's been listening in on the conversation?_

_How will Remus react when he finds out?_

_Next chapter Sirius gets another letter. Who do you think it is from and what do you think it is about? Is it good or bad?_

_Also next chapter, Regulus wakes up. Do you think he remembers what happened?_

_Please review._


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own the characters or the location, but a lot of the plot is my own._

_AN: Just a note on Peter and on nicknames. I don't believe that Peter was evil at this stage, and he was enough of a good friend to the Marauders for James to take Sirius's suggestion seriously. Sometimes it is made out that James and Sirius were closer to each other, so I was thinking that maybe Peter and Remus might have been equally close. There is also evidence to suggest that James and Sirius were probably the loudest two out of the four of them. Sirius, James and Peter obviously don't have their nicknames yet and they use Moony to refer to the werewolf at this stage in time. They are also still used to calling one another by first names not nicknames, so this is why Peter calls Remus by his name._

**Chapter Six**

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" whispered Peter.

Remus simply nodded and told himself that they weren't really spying, but they were. It was undeniable from the fact that both he and Peter were flat against the wall listening to their friends' conversation. They'd initially gone down to see why on earth James was taking so long. Then they had seen how upset Sirius was and decided not to intrude. However, the two of them wanted to know why, so they were both listening intently.

"James? How are we going to tell Remus?" he heard Sirius mumble. Remus hoped that Sirius was asking James about the animagi thing again because, if that was the case, everything could be resolved very quickly. While James had been down with Sirius, Peter had been filling him in all about their plan to become animals for him. It was a very sweet idea really – if it would work. Unfortunately, from what Peter had said it seemed as if they had made very little progress towards it. It seemed to be more of a fantasy than a proper plan.

"I don't know, but we have to tell him before he finds out himself. I think he'd rather hear it from us than by accident, or from one of the teachers. At some point Madame Pomfrey is going to have to say something," said James. "And even if she doesn't, Remus is going to start to wonder why they're in the hospital wing together every month."

Remus was starting to get confused. What had the teachers got to do with anything? And why would the three of them being animagi have anything to do with the hospital wing?

"Something tells me that this has nothing to do with our plan," whispered Peter. "I think…" he began, sounding as if he didn't know how to put what he was saying into words, "I think Sirius might know who it is that was… that you, I mean Moony… bit."

"Yes, but why would Sirius know about it if I didn't?" Remus whispered back. Surely Madam Pomfrey would have told him something when he was in the hospital wing; it almost certainly affected him seeing as anyone who became a werewolf would most likely have to experience monthly visits there with him. Maybe they hadn't told him because James and Peter had been there… but that didn't explain why Sirius knew.

"Perhaps it's someone close to Sirius that we don't really know that well," suggested Peter. "But then I can't really think of anyone that Sirius talks to that we don't except for the girls and I've seen them all at breakfast." He was right: the only people other than the two of them and James, that Sirius ever bothered to spend any amount of time with, were the Gryffindor second-year girls – and the only reason Lily had talked to him at all had been because he was upset. There was no way Sirius was close enough to them to be told a secret as big as _that_, and even if he _was _the fact still remained that all of them had been at breakfast and dinner for the past few days. Still, Sirius _had _been talking to Lily about werewolves.

James and Sirius were still talking, but he and Peter couldn't really hear properly. Then suddenly, Sirius started yelling at James.

"How do you think _I_ feel? He's my brother, and I don't even know if he's going to live or not!" he shouted.

Remus stared shocked at Sirius until Peter pulled him back round the corner. He couldn't believe it! Sirius's brother was hurt! That could only mean one thing, and it wasn't good. He didn't know what to do. What if Sirius hated him? What if _everyone_ hated him? Who would want to be friends with someone who had practically murdered their best friend's baby brother? James and Peter would surely side with Sirius over him. It was too much to bear and he flopped down so that he was sitting on the floor.

"Remus? Remus, are you alright? Talk to me!" Remus realised that Peter was shaking him. Actually, it was him doing the shaking, not Peter. Peter had crouched down so that he was level with him and had hold of both of his shoulders, trying to get a response out of him. "Please say something, Rem." Remus was too shocked to say anything.

"This doesn't change anything; at least not for me. I know you are probably thinking that we'll all hate you, but you know that isn't true. Me and James are your friends no matter what. Sirius might be upset for a while, but he's still your friend. If he hated you he wouldn't have been worried about telling you."

"Thanks Pete," said Remus. He was amazed at how sensible and rational his friend was being. Usually it was up to himself to be the sensible one but today everyone else seemed to be taking turns at it. However it still didn't solve the problem that Sirius was still upset about what he'd done.

James ran over towards them, dragging Sirius with him. "Remus! 'You okay?" he asked as he sat down in the doorway to the commonroom beside them. Sirius remained standing a few feet away with his head turned away, wavering on the edge of joining them. Remus couldn't help feeling bad for him: Sirius looked a lot more upset than even _he_ was - he was pretty sure that those were tears on Sirius's cheeks. Remus wouldn't have blamed him if he hated him after what I'd done to his family. "Come and sit down, Sirius," said James.

Reluctantly Sirius sat down on the other side of James. He kept his eyes down in his lap and didn't even look towards Remus. James just sat in awkward silence and didn't say anything, making Remus feel increasingly uncomfortable, while Peter couldn't think of anything to say that he hadn't already said to make either of them feel any better.

Eventually Sirius broke the silence with an incoherent, rather dog-like whimper. Remus wasn't sure whether it was meant to be speech or not.

"What?" asked James.

"Nothing," sniffed Sirius. He had his head down with his fringe flopping in front of his face, which Remus knew usually meant that he was trying to hide the fact that he was crying. Remus remembered Sirius had told him that he wasn't allowed to cry at home, so never liked anyone knowing about it. "I'm sorry, Remus. I really wanted to say something before, but I didn't know how."

"Sirius, no one blames you for not saying anything," said James, shifting so that he was closer to Sirius. "It's a hard thing to come to terms with, and we all know how hard it is for you to admit it if something is wrong."

"But James, this is important! I should have told Remus that everything was my fault in the first place and now he's had to find out like this and now he probably thinks I hate him because I didn't explain anything properly and-"

"Sirius, calm down, you're making no sense," interrupted Peter. "I'm pretty sure that Remus is too busy worrying about you blaming him to think that anything is your fault. I don't think either of you are to blame and your both just worrying too much. Just explain how you feel to Remus and he'll understand."

"There's no need: I think I understand," began Remus. "You think that it's your fault that I hurt Regulus, and you're worried I'll think you hate me. I guess that means you don't hate me then?"

Sirius nodded. Then he shook his head. "I mean no - I don't hate you. You don't hate _me_ do you?"

"No, why would I hate you? You haven't done anything wrong," said Remus. Sirius probably thought that it was his fault for making Regulus go into the forbidden forest, but Remus knew that this wasn't true. Sirius hadn't told his brother to go there. All he had done was be annoyed with him for being sorted into the wrong house.

"Okay, now that we've all made up, can we go back upstairs to sleep?" asked James.

…..

_AN: Sorry to end it there but that is all I have time for. I am going away for the weekend to do conservation work so I won't be able to update then. That's why I'm updating now. I hope you like it. Next chapter Regulus will wake up._

_Please have a look at Not My Family, and my competitions on HPFC._

_Please review._


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter books._

_AN: I am so sorry to all of you people that have favourited or reviewed this story so far that I haven't updated in so long. I had exams and then went on a family holiday. When I came back I found it really hard to get back into fanfiction, but now I'm into it again I hope I'll stay there. I hope you enjoy this, but because it has been so long here's a quick summary. The story is below it._

_**The story so far**_

_Regulus is scared his parents will disown him if he isn't sorted into the right house, so insists that the hat puts him in Slytherin. Sirius is annoyed that his brother isn't in Gryffindor and argues with him, resulting in Regulus being upset. Regulus wants to show Sirius he isn't a coward so wanders into the forest where he is bitten by a werewolf. The next day, Remus wakes up in hospital and is told he has bitten someone. Sirius is later told that this person is his brother and goes to visit Regulus. He sees how ill Regulus is and feels awful and that it is fault that Regulus has been bitten. He also doesn't know how to act around Remus._

_Sirius gets a letter telling him he has been disowned. He heads to the library, and finds books on how to become an Animagus. Perhaps he can help Regulus and Remus before the full moon? When he finds out that he can't he gets upset and confides in Lily. Remus overhears and thinks Sirius is telling Lily about his lycanthropy and tells James. Sirius falls asleep and James comes down and finds the letter. He reads it, and after talking to Sirius realises what has happened._

_Peter and Remus overhear Sirius shouting and work out what has happened. Everything is now sorted out between the Marauders._

**Chapter Seven: Waking Up**

To his surprise, Sirius actually managed to get a good night's sleep that night. He was relieved that all three of his friends knew what was going on; it made everything just a little bit easier to deal with, which was something he had really needed. James seemed fine with everything and had even offered for him to live with him (well at least he had before Sirius had mentioned Regulus – the issue hadn't come up again after that), and Peter seemed okay with everything too. Remus… well at first he'd been quite stubborn about the fact that everything was his fault and not Sirius's, but eventually everything had been sorted out. According to Peter, neither Sirius nor Remus was to blame for anything that had happened.

He awoke at about 8:00am to the sound of James raking back his bed-side curtains. He groaned, rolled over and then looked up at his friends: they were all already dressed, although James had managed to make his hair even messier than usual.

"Hurry up, you two," said Peter, who was standing by the door with Remus, "we've got less than an hour left to get ready!" Sirius knew why Peter wanted him to hurry. It didn't take an hour to grab one's school books and eat breakfast, but the four of them wanted to go to the Hospital Wing before lessons started. At least, Sirius, James and Peter did – Remus seemed a bit reluctant for obvious reasons.

He quickly got dressed, while his best friend James made a show of getting a comb stuck in his hair. This was very odd behaviour because Sirius knew that James knew that it was completely useless to try and make his hair neat. That meant James was either more serious than anyone had previously thought about impressing Lily Evans, or that he was trying to make an idiot of himself on purpose to cheer his best mate up - Sirius suspected the latter. Whatever the reason, it was Remus that ended up having to pull it out.

As soon as Sirius was what James deemed sufficiently-clothed (what James's mother would have called 'untidy', and what Sirius's mother would have called 'unfit for society'), he was dragged out of the dormitory. He was still trying to put his tie on when they entered the Great Hall.

The four of them ate their breakfast in a similarly rushed manner, until an owl landed in front of them carrying a letter addressed to Sirius. He carefully removed it from the owl's leg, dreading what it would be about. He didn't recognise the owl, but judging by the rate his Mother lost her temper with owls and House-elves, he wouldn't have been surprised if she's 'replaced' the last one - he still had nightmares about the time his mother had beheaded Kreacher's mother just because she had dropped a teapot. He slowly opened the letter and read:

_Dear Sirius,_

_I am hoping you are aware of your Mother's decision regarding you and Reggie. If not then please don't panic when you read this. She has decided that you and Reggie are to be cast out of the family and has blasted you both from the tapestry much like your Uncle did with me. Both Bella and Cissy know the real reason for this, and though they will not tell anyone about it, they are extremely angry about it. Of course, neither of them realise that none of this is either yours or Reggie's fault. Your Father and mine too are both of a similar opinion on the issue and wish to completely dissociate themselves from the pair of you._

_On a slightly better note, my Mother is disgusted about what Aunt Walburga has done. Apparently, she firmly believes that family is family whatever the circumstances. Of course, being only associated by marriage, she has no say whatsoever in family affairs. That's why she wrote to me to see if I could do anything for you. I'm glad she did, because I otherwise I wouldn't have known anything was wrong at all – I know how reluctant the pair of you usually are when you need to ask for help._

_Anyway, I want to make it clear to you that if you wish to, you and Regulus are welcome to come and stay with Ted and I for Christmas. I know you are okay with him being muggleborn, but I haven't seen Regulus since I left. I do hope your Mother hasn't got to him and made him hate me. I'm sorry but you will have to share a room because we only have one spare at the moment._

_Hope to see you and your brother soon._

_Love Andromeda._

_P.S. I have some very exciting news to tell you when you next see me._

"Who's it from?" asked James as he tried to lean sideways to read it over Sirius's shoulder. Sirius wasn't crying, so he assumed the letter contained good news.

"My cousin: the nice one. She says me and Regulus can stay with her during the summer."

"Well, that's good," said James. "But you are still staying with me at Christmas aren't you?"

Before Sirius could reply in the affirmative, the conversation was interrupted by Professor McGonagall, who was stood barely a foot away and towering over them. She had come to tell Sirius that there had been an improvement in his brother's condition, and that he was to go to the Hospital Wing immediately.

…..

When Sirius entered the hospital wing he was alone: James, Peter and Remus waited outside because they didn't want to intrude on something that would surely be a personal moment. The curtains were still drawn around the bed, obscuring Regulus from view, but by now Sirius had been to visit so many times that he didn't really need to see his brother to know that he was still there. He quickly slipped behind the curtains.

He was upset to see that Regulus was still as limp-looking and bandage-covered as he had been before, although he was a lot less pale compared to two days ago. Sirius stretched out a hand to hold Regulus's as he had done before, and this time Regulus responded by shifting in his sleep.

"Reg, it's Sirius. Can you hear me?" whispered Sirius, daring to hope that his brother would answer. Of course, Regulus didn't, and just lay completely still except for his chest moving up and down. "At least he's not dead," thought Sirius. "Please wake up."

This time he got an answer. It was a tiny whimper; barely audible and certainly not coherent speech, but it was still there.

"Regulus?" asked Sirius.

Regulus made a similar noise to before. His eyelids fluttered and then the small boy scrunched them tightly shut. Sirius didn't blame him. He remembered waking up in the hospital once before and finding the natural light rather too bright to take in.

"Siri? Is'atyou?" murmured Regulus as he opened his eyes fully.

"Yes. I'm so glad you're awake, Reg, I've been so worried," said Sirius. He tried to hug his brother, but Regulus cried out in pain when Sirius touched him. Sirius immediately felt guilty.

"Siri," whispered Regulus, "I know I shouldn't be still upset about it, but…"

"It's okay, I'm here," Sirius said. He wanted to add an 'everything's going to be an okay' in there too, but somehow it didn't seem to be okay. He helped his brother into a sitting position: it was difficult because Regulus had so many bandages (and therefore injuries) but eventually Regulus was propped up with pillows. Then, to Sirius's dismay, Regulus started crying.

"Sirius, I had a horrible dream last night," Regulus said between sobs. Between each word, Regulus had to take a breath of air because he was sobbing so much. "It was after the argument we had and…" after this, the only words Sirius could make out were forest and wolf and then "it tried to eat me, Siri!"

Sirius wished he had some way to calm Regulus down, but he didn't. He was afraid to touch Regulus in case he accidently hurt him again and there was nothing he could say that wouldn't make Regulus even worse. He couldn't say, or "it was just a nightmare," or "werewolves are just something scary that Bellatrix made up," like he had when Regulus had had that nightmare about the 'demenpire' (a hideous cross between a vampire and a dementors). Nor could he laugh it off like he had when Regulus had crawled into his bed one night crying hysterically about a monster that sounded rather like one of those machines muggles used for cleaning the streets. The reason he couldn't say any of this was because this time Regulus's 'nightmare' had not been a 'nightmare'. It had been real.

Regulus, on realising that Sirius couldn't tell him that it wasn't a nightmare, was now sobbing and shaking even more than Remus had been. Sirius put a protective arm around him and Regulus buried his head in his brother's chest. The only thing Sirius was glad of was that he hadn't had to tell Regulus all of what had happened to him.

After a while the crying ceased. Regulus slowly detached himself from his brother and looked up at him.

"Sirius, I want Mum," Regulus said in a very quiet voice. This was a very odd request since their Mother rarely did anything to show that she cared for them, but Sirius knew Regulus always hoped that if he was good enough, she would. That was why Regulus always tried to be good and did was he was told back at home. In Sirius's opinion it was a foolish hope that their Mother would ever treat them like other Mothers treated their children. In his opinion, their parents treated Regulus even worse than they treated him – Regulus was not the heir so according to Mr and Mrs Black it didn't really matter what happened to him. That was why when a young Regulus followed Sirius up a tree and fell out of it, the only person who took any interest in the incident was Sirius, who patched him up in the downstairs bathroom, even though Regulus had been screaming for his Mother.

Sirius had thought that all people's parents were the same as his and Regulus's until their Mother took them to play at the Rosiers' house one weekend. Although Mr Rosier had been as cold and stern as Mr Black, Mrs Rosier had been extremely kind to them. They had played outside for the Rosiers had a large estate with an enormous garden. Then, when Evan, who was her eldest and a full year older than Sirius, had fallen over and grazed his knee, she had come running over and healed it with her wand. She hadn't even told her son off for crying, like Mrs Black would have done. Sirius had known then that not all parents were like his and his opinion of the ideal parent had changed again when he had seen Mr and Mrs Potter waving James goodbye at the station, and when he had seen Mrs Pettigrew flinging her arms around her son at the end of last year.

However, Sirius had never really had the heart to tell Regulus that no matter how beautifully he played the piano, or how tidy his bedroom was, or how many chores he volunteered to do, his parents wouldn't show him any more affection than they did Kreacher. Once when he had been feeling especially sorry for Regulus, who had just been told off for trying to make his Father a cup of tea (which apparently was the House Elf's job and a Black should never stoop to their level), Sirius had actually asked the two of them to be nicer to Regulus. This had resulted in Sirius spending the rest of the day locked in the cellar so he hadn't tried that again.

"Reg, I don't think Mum is going to come and visit you?" said Sirius gently.

"Why not? She came last time I was in a hospital," sniffed Regulus.

There was silence as Sirius thought about what to say next. Last time Regulus had been ill he had been in St. Mungo's for almost three months, and yes, their Mother _had_ visited him. But the visit had not been for very long and had only been to show the healers that she hadn't abandoned him. The visit had not been so that she could comfort Regulus or show any sign of affection. Sirius also had to somehow tell his brother that the two of them had been disowned.

"Regulus," be began.

"Yes Sirius. Why do you look so worried? Has something happened to our parents too?"

"No," said Sirius. "They're okay." He paused and then continued, "do you remember what Father said would happen if we shamed the family any more than I have already?"

"You mean when he said he'd disown us?"

Sirius nodded.

"But we haven't done anything. I'm in Slytherin just like Mum and Dad wanted, and you can't have done any pranks that bad already. What's there to worry about?"

Sirius didn't say anything; a couple of tears started to run down his cheeks.

"Sirius what's wrong? Why are you crying? Mum and Dad aren't just going to throw us both out. They were probably only making threats so that we'd do what they say."

Sirius wiped away the tears with the back of his hand; he was the oldest and he wasn't going to cry. He certainly didn't want Regulus trying to cheer him up: that was_ his_ job. Still, there was no need to beat about the bush. He had to tell Regulus what had happened.

"Reg, they already did – disown us, I mean. It was about what happened to you."

"You mean about me going in the forest? I only did that so you wouldn't think of me as a coward! And I only went in Slytherin so I wouldn't be disowned! Sirius, I'm so sorry," said Regulus. He looked on the verge of tears again.

"It's not that, Reg. It's not your fault. It was mainly about what happened in the forest – they don't like it."

"What do you mean?" asked Regulus quietly. He looked down at his himself, and realised really for the first time how much of himself was actually covered in bandages, even the parts of him under his pyjamas. And then he thought about the forest, and the creature that had attacked him. And then he looked up at Sirius, and the sad look in his brother's eyes told him everything. "I was attacked by a werewolf wasn't I? Now I'm one too and Mum and Dad hate me."

Sirius nodded again, indicating that all of what Regulus had just said was true, and then just let Regulus lean on him and cry until Regulus had no more tears left. There was nothing that he could say, so he didn't say anything at all.

…

"Sirius?" asked Regulus, a while later.

"Yes?"

"What's going to happen to me?"

"Well Dumbledore says you can stay at Hogwarts if that's what you mean."

"Really?"

"Yes. He let a good friend of mine study here, even though he knew he was a werewolf." Sirius didn't elaborate. He wasn't sure what Regulus's reaction would be if he knew Sirius was friends with the person who bit him, especially now. He'd tell Regulus eventually, but he felt it would be too much for Regulus to take in on top of being so ill, a werewolf, and disowned.

"Oh. What about the holidays?" asked Regulus.

"Well, James says we can stay with him at Christmas, but if you don't want to, we can stay here, or we can stay with Andromeda and Ted."

"Won't they mind?"

"No, I had a letter from her today. She says she has a surprise for us when we next see her," said Sirius.

"What do you think it is, Sirius?" asked Regulus. The two of them talked together until they were interrupted by Madame Pomfrey, who told them that Regulus ought to get some rest and that Sirius ought to go to lunch. It was only when Sirius entered the Great Hall that he realised he had missed several lessons, and that Madame Pomfrey hadn't chucked him out to go to any of them.

…..

_AN: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. __What do you think of the letter? __Did you like Regulus's reaction? __How do you think Regulus will cope when he is out of the hospital wing?_

_Please review._


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